Lots of ink has been spilled on the high cost of the average American wedding ($26,984, according to theKnot.com’s 2010 survey), but it’s not just the father of bride who is feeling the pinch. As weddings become more elaborate, weekend-long affairs, often taking place in getaway locales (24 percent of nuptials are “destination weddings” according to the Knot), bridesmaids are shouldering larger costs as well.
In the past, bridesmaids were just expected to buy a dress and help throw a shower. Now, as women marry later in life, they often choose wedding attendants from different stages in their life, such as a younger sister, the high school BFF, college roommate and their closest colleague. Chances are the wedding will not take place locally for all of them, so a flight or hotel stay may be required for some. It’s no surprise that travel expenses make up one of the biggest components in the bridesmaid budget.
Pre-wedding festivities can also take a big bite. As seen in the movie Bridesmaids, showers can spiral out of control if one maid with expensive tastes decides to make it a catered affair. Bachelorette parties can snowball from a simple girls’ night out to an indulgent spa weekend or a jaunt to Vegas. For some die-hard wedding fans, it’s all worth it, but for the more budget-minded maids in the wedding party, it can bring a lot of stress to what’s supposed to be a happy occasion.
Here’s a look at where the cost come from, according to WeddingChannel.com, and some tips on how both brides and their attendants can keep money agony from souring their relationship, and the wedding day.
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20 Comments so far
leave a commentEngagement Gift AND Shower Gift?? I don’t even know what an Engagement Gift is.
Not all the same people should attend each party. The engagement party is usually hosted by the couple themselves and no gifts should be given. The bridal shower is usually hosted by one of the bridesmaids and small gifts are typically given. No gifts should be given at the bachelorette party – your attendance is the gift.
Be ready to spend money on travel if you do a destination bachelorette party. The bride usually assigns who should take care of the decorations but we always suggest adding a PayPal link on the invite to split the cost, allowing both you and your wallet to enjoy the celebration.
I was once in a wedding where the Maid of Honor ordered monogrammed tank tops and baseball caps for the bachelorette party- without telling any of the other bridesmaids – and made all of us split the costs.
“If your maids are all from out of town, don’t ask people to fly in twice. Make sure the shower and the bachelorette party take place on the same weekend”
Considering that a bridal shower is a *suprise* party thrown *for*, not *by* the bride, how on earth could she manage to schedule it?
And people still have bachelorette parties? Who knew! I thought that was “out”.
I’m sorry but those costs are absurd. My brides maids chose their own dresses (all in the same colour) and I just gave them each $100 towards it. So they could buy a really expensive dress they looooovveeddd if they wanted, or a cheap one that would do.
Wedding present, shower present AND engagement present???? That’s insane. I had one wine shower where people were invited to bring me a bottle of wine and celebrate pot luck style. I had a beautiful wedding and managed to keep costs down on invitations and table centres etc. Weddings do not need to be so expensive! Just be smart and always shop around.
There’s at least $800 of fluff in here. Sure, some women will do all of these things, but you can easily trim most of these expenses out and still perform your bridesmaids duties. A good chunk of these expenses are plane tickets, but if you have to fly in for the wedding it is not expected that you fly in for both a shower and a bach party too if they are all on different weekends.
You can easily do your own hair and make-up and there is absolutely no need for you to buy new lingerie for the wedding. It’s not expected to do all 3 gifts, especially if you are in the wedding, your presence and support counts for something. You’ve doubled the total to make your infographic more sensational.
I think the expense of travel seems a bit redundant, since the bridesmaids I have asked are my best friends and would attend (and subsequently stay in a hotel or other lodging) either way. I do have a friend who has been a bridesmaid several times though and always complains about how expensive they can be. I am buying my dresses at an online wholesale store to save each about seventy dollars on the dress that I want them to wear (bestbridalprices.com) and I hope that they appreciate it. I suppose another alternative is that instead of buying some nice trinket as a thank-you, the bride could buy their jewellery or pay for part of their gown. There are ways of getting around it, but I think setting a budget for what you think is appropriate for them to spend is important.
My brother is getting married in September, and while it’s not a total destination wedding, he is getting married in on the West Coast while I live on the East Coast. I am in the bridal party, but can’t get the time off work to go to the Bachelorette or shower… but there are still plenty of expenses. I know that my future sister-in-law is trying to keep costs down, and I am getting help from my mom, but this experience further proves that a visit to the justice of the peace is probably the route for me! If I don’t want to pay $300.00 for a dress, how could I ask my friends?
I jwas just in my brother’s wedding which was 2 yeras in the making. Although I did not get them an engagement present they did have a big engagement party. other than that the numbers on the infographic are way under what a single bridemaid spent on the wedding. My parents thankfully helped out my sister and I with some costs since we’re just strtaing work and dont have the extra money to spend but it got really out of hand. the total for all of those items listed for me was about $2650. With the things I paid for on my own, I ended up spending about half of that, while my parents paid the other half. Some things that added to the higher numbers than shown in the infographic were: attending 2 showers where I contributed money for a gift at each, a bachelorette destination weekend (read: plane ticket during spring break season) where the maid of honor insisted on a club with a $1500 minimum to be split by the bridesmaids (thats before tax and tip…), and $300 dress.
At least the dress is un-bridesmaid enough to wear again…
This is the second black tie wedding I’ve been in in the last year where the costs were crazy high. Im looking forward to not being in any weddings for at least the next year. It’s like I have to get a second job just to keep up with it all. I’ve defintley taken lots of notes on what I would and wouldnt do as a bride to minimize the financial and overall stress for my bridemaids when the time comes.
The solution to all of this would be to say no to certain things, or to decline being a bridesmaid from the beginning, but it’s just not something I can do easily when best friends and family weddings are involved unfortunately. I just suck it up and pay for everythign to be able to be part of thier special occasion. The parties and food have been amazing though if thats a consolation
The problem with many of the above comments is that the bride ultimately controls the cost for the bridesmaids. You accept a bridesmaid invitation from a close friend or relative, and then there isn’t much bargaining when it comes to the rest. You can attempt to cut costs, but it’s an obligation to buy the dress, shoes, jewelry, etc. that the bride wants. And sometimes, as a bridesmaid, you don’t have much say on the party aspects, either. The last wedding I was in, the majority agreed on a destination bachelorette weekend and bachelorette gifts. It was either cough up the dough or disappoint a very close family member, so I did it. I think it’s on the bride to determine whether or not certain costs are realistic for the bridesmaids she chose.
Most of these costs are rediculous. The total costs for our bridesmaids are: getting to the site, buying a dress, wedding gift… and that’s it. Hair and makeup is do it yourself, the matching jewelry is the bride’s gift to them, they’re wearing shoes they already own. So a drive or flight to the DFW area and a dress. Heck, we’re even providing for their lodging. The bachelorette party is the same weekend, and I’d be shocked if they spend more than $20 a person for it.
The people commenting here must have had very budget conscious brides or got lucky with expenses because that infographic is completely accurate for me. I’ve spent that much without having to fly. Don’t forget hotels and food while you are away for their festivities. Some brides don’t expect gifts, some do. Some want you to get professional hair and makeup, some don’t. It’s hard to argue with the bride. It’s all about them and they want what they want. The problem occurs with party planners too such as maid of honor or mothers. They don’t factor in expenses.
I usually pick one, the shower or bachelorette(or none), if I have to travel. The more traditional brides will suck you dry while the modern ones understand the annoyances and expenses of being a bridesmai.
Every wedding and bride is different in what they ask their bridesmaids to do. I’ve been in several weddings, none of which have cost me less than $500. But the most recent one was very expensive. Out of state wedding that cost me hotel fees and parking and travel fees. Our dress was pretty pricey plus alterations. We were required to wear certain shoes, required to get professional makeup done, nails, hair. The bachelorette party was a 24 hour event that easily cost $150.00, and the shower was about the same. we were even required to wear a certain color strapless bra that I didn’t already own. Not all weddings cost this much, but some do, and for people who are struggling financially it can be so stressful. When all was said and done I spent about $1500.00 to be in this wedding.
I bought my dress, shoes and accessories, paid for my own hairdressing, busted my ass to create special decorations for the bachelorette, and even spent a lot of time practicing for a special wedding dance to be performed at the reception. Then when I gave her my gift, she actually rejected it because it was either too cheap or just not what she wanted (which was $ for her honeymoon, which I hadn’t been informed of). I make minimum wage and live paycheck to paycheck. I was excited to be a bridesmaid for a close friend but I don’t think I ever want to be a bridesmaid again.
I usually pick one, the shower or bachelorette(or none), if I have to travel. The more traditional brides will suck you dry while the modern ones understand the annoyances and expenses of being a bridesmai.
I was lucky enough to marry a foreigner. We held the wedding on a mountain, in a traditionally decorated tent, the food was amazing – all the food was cooked by women from the village, relatives and so on – and it was all organic, the guests gave us money instead of a present, as that was the tradition – only my relatives gave us gifts, my wife wore a beautiful wedding dress that was actually cheap – about 300 euros. Plus, the bridesmaid all brought their dresses – all blue as my wife told them too. We didn’t had a bachelor party – instead I took a backpack, and boarded the first train. I saw her whole country before marring my wife, and I only spent about 200 euros. Everyone I met was really friendly. It was an amazing experience.
Each week on my blog I discuss the costs of being a bridesmaid. Check it out: http://27messes.com
Over half the listed cost is in airfares, which probably only applies to 1/4 or less of bridesmaids. I’m a wedding photographer so I’m around weddings all the time, and my wife is a bridesmaid this October, so I can vouch that it can be rather expensive, but if there’s no significant travel involved the total number here is misleading.
Maybe it’s just me being a terrible person again, but if my friend honestly expected me to get professional mani/pedi/hair, and new shoes, and a dress I’ll never wear again, and three gifts, and all that other stuff, I’d have no problem telling her “Darling, I love you, but no. I appreciate the honor of you wanting me to be a bridesmaid for you, but I can’t do all that.”
Then again, I’m blessed with amazing friends that would understand that I can’t ruin MY financial situation for THEIR wedding… I wouldn’t even do it for my own.
Ridiculous. And WedingChannel/the Knot don’t know what effective sampling means. There is a difference between mean and median spending and there is a difference between self-reported spending and actual spending. These numbers are garbage.
As others have mentioned, three flights is the average? BS. As an unrepresentative anecdote, we have only one bridesmaid that needs to fly in. The 6 others are local. The dress $ is the same and we’re doing all the dresses through David’s Bridal. We aren’t doing a typical bachelorette/bachelor party. We’re combining the groups to go into Chicago, but I don’t see it as 60$ a person. We didn’t have an engagement party. There is no shower contribution, but probably a shower gift.