Consumer IQ

Now Hiring: Cake Inspector, Bologna Lacer, and Back Washer — A List of the Most Unusual Job Titles

Help Wanted

Layoffs are down for the third month in a row — and the August numbers were at their lowest point since December 2010. According to Bloomberg data, 64.3% of Americans are currently employed.

However, “Bad Jobs on the Rise,” a new report from the Center for Economic and Policy Research, maintains that almost 25% of American workers “are in a bad job.”

A “bad job” is defined as “one that pays less than $37,000 per year, does not have employer-provided health insurance, and lacks some kind of retirement plan.”

From the CEPR:

“The main driver of the rise in bad jobs, the report argues, was the systematic decline in workers’ bargaining power since the end of the 1970s. The reports’ authors point to the fall in the inflation-adjusted value of the minimum wage, the decline in union representation, trade deals, and high unemployment as some of the key factors reducing the bargaining power of workers relative to their employers.”

Victims of Progress

So, there are bad jobs and then there are the jobs that once were. On Labor Day, columnist John Kelly of the Washington Post “[paid] homage to those jobs that have disappeared.”

“No, not those jobs that have been offshored or downsized,” Kelly wrote, “not those jobs that were the victims of economic downturn, but those jobs that were the victims of progress.”

The obsolete jobs were culled from the Dictionary of Occupational Titles, published by the Department of Labor in 1939. Irish-Moss Gatherer, Grizzly Worker, Tipple Boss, Tufstayer, Rivet Flunky and Doup Fixer are just some of the occupational titles “that automation or our ‘modern’ ways have made obsolete.”

Or have they?

Though the Dictionary transitioned from hard-copy to online-only in 1998, many of the same jobs people performed in 1939 (I’m looking at you, Circus Detective) still exist today.

While “Bowling Ball Weigher” needs no further explanation, the job descriptions for “Pole Shaver,” “Cheese Cutter,” “Box Nailer,” and so forth can be found here.

And so, without further ado, per the modern-day Dictionary of Occupational Titles, Fourth Edition:

The “Yes, These Are Real Job Titles” List

EGG SMELLER
MATCH-UP WORKER
OYSTER TONGER
GIZZARD-SKIN REMOVER
BAG SHAKER
HARDNESS TESTER
BOLOGNA LACER
CARCASS SPLITTER
BOX NAILER
BOX ICER

The “No, Seriously, These Job Titles Actually Exist, Too” List

BRIM BUSTER
TAPPER SUPERVISOR
BELLY ROLLER
NEEDLE LEADER
SHOT DROPPER
MUD BOSS
BACK WASHER
MESS ATTENDANT

The “What Is a ‘Fish Pitcher’?” List

COMEDY DIVER
BOOKMOBILE DRIVER
CAPONIZER
HUMAN PROJECTILE
DRIFTER
BOWLING-BALL WEIGHER
BUTTER MELTER
CAKE INSPECTOR
CHIP TESTER
BELLY WRINGER
CUP FILLER
DESK-PEN-SET ASSEMBLER
LARRY OPERATOR
FINGER WAVER
JIGGER-CROWN-POUNCING-MACHINE OPERATOR
FISH PITCHER

The “What Exactly Does an ‘Apron Scratcher’ Do?” List

CHEESE CUTTER
SIDE SPLITTER
SHORTS SIFTER
DOG BEAUTICIAN
SQUIRT-MACHINE OPERATOR
GANG LEADER
SPINDLE CARVER
APRON SCRATCHER
ABALONE DIVER
MINCEMEAT MAKER
BARLEY STEEPER
SKULL GRINDER
FLAME SCARFER

The “Wow, I’ve Never Met a Raisin Washer Before!” List

ANIMAL EVISCERATOR
HEAD CHARRER
SMASH HAND
ANIMAL IMPERSONATOR
FOOT CUTTER
FOOT STRAIGHTENER
DOG BATHER
SKIN LIFTER, BACON
RAISIN WASHER
DOLL-EYE-SETTER
BRUISE TRIMMER
BUCKET CHUCKER
EAR-MUFF ASSEMBLER

The “There’s Something Called a ‘Car Chaser’?” List

HURL SHAKER
HORSE IDENTIFIER
JOINT MAKER
MELLOWING-MACHINE OPERATOR
SILK-TOP-HAT-BODY MAKER
SILENT BIT EXTRA
BRAIN PICKER
BLEMISH REMOVER
BROOMCORN SCRAPER
SNAGGER
SNAILER
CAR CHASER
CARTON CATCHER
PUZZLE ASSEMBLER

If anyone has a lead on a good Horse Identifier position (or Puzzle Assembler, preferably with benefits), please get in touch.

This article was provided by Minyanville.com.